Ont

Det är alltid samma kännsla jag får innan jag beger mig. Cirka nio dagar innan färden kryper kännslan upp från botten av magsäcken, lägger sig som ett betong flak på bröstet och flyter upp i hjärnan i form av immande sorgsenhet. Samtidigt tänker jag att i praktiken, så är det kanske bäst att bege sig när livet är som vackrast - då man helst av allt bara vill stanna kvar.

Så jag promenerar med familjen på Råå, äter räkmacka på fiskrökeriet och leker "*Peka*. Det är min båt! Och det är din båt!" med brorsan. Jag tar av sandalerna och gräver ner fötterna i sanden, öppnar munnen och andas in havet i smakform och spanar mot horisonten. Det är så vackert att det gör ont på riktigt. På andra sidan horisonten ser det annorlunda ut, även om det är precis samma värld. På andra sidan finns det folk som inte finns just här. Folk som jag kan tycka om precis på samma sätt som jag tycker om folk från denna sidan av världen. Men ändå känns det som en otröstlig undanflykt, för jag vet ju att egentligen är ju alla på sitt vis unika. Och just därför älskar man alla på olika sätt och olika mycket.

Det är alltid samma kännsla av saknad, var jag än befinner mig. Men nu har jag ändå gjort ett val att placera mina ägg i helt olika korgar. Och på ett sätt är det kanske bäst att bege sig när livet är som vackrast - då man helst av allt bara vill stanna kvar.

An iPod

You are what you buy.

My grand finale of 2010 was when I dropped my iPod in the toilet. I might have told you a different story, because quite frankly I was not in the mood of being ridiculed - especially not by the snazzy looking guys in Apple Store. It was far easier to explain to them how I accidentally dropped it in the kitchen zink while doing the washing up to Cold War Kid's "Hang me up to dry" (ironically). And as I saw the orange object make its way out of my pink hoodie pocket (in slowmotion, because that is how they do it in the movies), a series of internal events took place. The moving images allerted my brain which allerted my muscles which allerted my movements which...were static. I am sure that something went wrong on the way. The washing-up story is a lie nevertheless.




You are what you buy. I realized that I would have to invest in a new iPod, after having hung the old one up to dry with catastrophic results. To my horror, the seemingly "old" iPod model had been replaced by a new version comprising a tiny touch screen made for a migit's fingers. I am sure I could swallow it without having it affect neither my gag reflex nor my digestion. I am now one of those people walking around, constantly poking a 3cm*3cm screen in the hope of selecting the right song. To make things worse, the screen has now mysteriously rotated anti-clockwise and I have no clue how to get it back in its rightful position. And here is the shizz: I still feel cooler than I did before, if only slightly. I have been lured into purchasing a spanking new iPod which reinvents me. I am now a cool person using the word "shizz" in my blog. This is forced consumer identity, which is something we cannot fight in a consumption society.

Songs of the week:

Adrian Lux - Teenage Crime
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifNIK8h_BJg

The Swedish IT

Sweden is a bit of a whore - it is very good at selling itself. I'm not saying that the blue sky isn't all that blue, or that the beautiful girls aren't all that beautiful.. But what the rest of Europe, as I know it, would call "pretentious" is translated into "awesome" in Swedish terms. The Swedish "it", which is printed in capitals so that people note its importance, is founded on a lose ground. The trick is to create success from yourself rather than your knowlegde. In fact, you will probably be better off skipping university and head straight into the business of self-loving.

Now Sweden has got two new IT-girls called Rebecca & Fiona. Together they display a prototype of coolness, self-confidence enough for the whole Swedish population and fashion a girl can only dream of. They also display socialism and individualism. They are IT because they don't care what nobody thinks, they live for the moment and they take a crap on education. Literary. Ok, maybe not literary. Figuratively then.

As a non-IT-girl I can't help but being a bit put off by their representation of IT-ness. Apparently it is awesome not being on time, forgetting about meetings, borrow money from employers and taking a crap on education. Figuratively. While I praise their DJ-ing skills, choice of clothing and balls to do random things in public, I cannot help but feeling like IT-ness has downgraded. IT-ness is being different, but in what way? Is IT-ness not to study hard, work hard and be respectful to people in general? Is IT-ness not to care about the future, save up, pay bills and make sure to turn up in time for a gig when you've got one?

Sadly no. There is no way you can be IT if your highschool is IB, if you study abroad on a merited university, if you work hard for your money, if you pay your bills in time, if you can handle your life in an excellent, however uncool, way. I think it's unfair. I think it's unfair that Sweden chooses to represent and image of IT, which abroad may well be known as "pretentious". Maybe next time, they should care about representing a devoted full-time student who makes time for part-time job, social life and fashion - all at once.